Letters to Little

Letter #11

May 12, 2017

Dear Jameson,

It’s been just over a year since I wrote you a letter. I did write something for your first birthday but I printed it up instead of posting it and it’s tucked safely inside your baby book. I hope you still have it somewhere.

Today you are 20 months old! You’re getting so independent. You run so fast everywhere you go, you explore everything, and you love to do things all by yourself (“ME!” you say when I try to help you). But even with everything you can do now, you’re still my little buddy. You hold my hand when we’re out and about, you call for me from the other room to make sure I’m still around, you’re always ready for a hug. You are just so sweet to your mommy.

We found out a few months ago that you’re going to have a little sibling! We’re not sure yet if it’s a sister or a brother for you, but I know you’re going to be the best big brother ever. Your heart is so compassionate and caring for others and I see how much you adore your little cousin Benji. You’re always running over to check on him, or stopping whatever you’re playing to come give him a kiss. And if Aunt Steph shows up somewhere without Benji, you get so worried. You ask her again and again, “Baby? Baby?” to make sure he’s somewhere safe. Maybe that’s embarrassing for you to read now at whatever age you are, but I’m telling you it’s the cutest thing in the world. That is your heart, Jameson. You aren’t yet afraid to show how much you care about people, and I hope some of that courage stays with you.

I’m so excited to see you as a big brother. I bet you’ll be really protective as you get older. I know you’ll take good care of whoever this little sibling is. I also know that it might be hard for you at first. It might be hard to watch mommy take care of someone else, or have to wait while I help the baby. It might be hard to know you won’t get all the attention all the time anymore. But I hope you also start to realize how much better life is when you’re sharing it, and how much God blesses us when we put others before ourselves. I hope you and this new baby are friends for life, beyond the bonds of family. I hope you choose each other and support each other, even when you don’t have to anymore. And I hope you always know how much love I have for you, my first baby.

I love you so much, Nugs. I’m better in so many ways because God gave me you first. You are so important to me and I hope I use whatever time we have together wisely, because you deserve it and so much more.

Love always,

Mommy

P.S. I can’t end this letter without telling you about my current favorite thing you do! A few weeks ago Aunt Stephanie told you that the garbage trucks take away all the stinky poo poo. So now anytime you hear or see a garbage truck, you run to the window shouting, “Sticka poo poo!!! Sticka poo poo!!!” And sometimes we have ten minute long conversations about stinky poo poo and the trucks that take it away. It makes me laugh every time. 🙂 You are such a goofball and I love it.

Letters to Little

Letter #10

May 6, 2016

Dear Jameson,

Almost eight months old already?! I’m not sure where the time is going. But I’m having so much fun with you. You are the perfect little sidekick! We do everything together. If I have some errands to run, you come with me. If I go to lunch with a friend, you’re right there having lunch too. If Daddy and I want to go on a date…well we haven’t gone on a date since you were born, and that’s on purpose. We’d much rather be with you.

You’re really such a fun person. You make us laugh all the time! Right now my favorite thing that you do is crawl around shouting “da, da, da, DA!” all day long to no one in particular. It’s so darn cute. I also love the face you make when I play peekaboo with you. You think it’s hilarious how I pop up out of no where and scare the crap out of you. You also love being tossed around in the air and playing rough with Daddy. I think you’re going to be a bit of a thrill seeker when you’re older. Maybe you’ll love roller coasters and those scary drop tower rides (like Tower of Terror in California Adventure) and we can ride them together! I love that kind of stuff too.

I think one of the best parts about being your mom is getting to see your personality develop more and more. Everything you do is so honest and so completely you. You have no one to impress, no one to put on a show for. You are unapologetically you 100% of the time and I love it. Every reaction you have shows exactly how you feel. When you love something, you show it with everything you have. When you hate something, you show that too. No pretending, no apologies. I wish I could be like that sometimes.

But even with how honest and passionate you are, you are still such a good boy. In fact, that’s the number one thing people comment on about you. Anywhere we go, we almost always get stopped at least one time by a friendly stranger telling me how lucky I am to have such a sweet, good-natured baby. I already know that, though. You are usually so happy and content and interested in everything around you and it shows. And, of course, you always get comments about how adorable you are. This is how it usually goes:

  1. Stranger says, “Awww he is such a good baby!”
  2. Stranger then says, “Look at those cheeks! They are so cute!”
  3. Stranger ends with, “I love his hair too.” (Because I usually give you a handsome combover haha)

And when you and Madelyn are together, forget about it. I’ve met so many nice and interesting people because of you two cuties! (I’ve also met a few creepers but there’s not much you can do about that.)

You really are just the best, Jimmy Jam. Every night after you go to sleep, your dad and I look at each other and say, “I miss him.” We can’t get enough of you and your sweet, joyful little self! The best days of our lives are these ones with you. You make us so so happy.

I love you so much, sweet boy. I love you and I’m praying for you always. I hope I can be as good to you as you are to me.

Love,

Mommy

Letters to Little

Letter #9

January 19, 2016

Dear Jameson,

Hi buddy! I just have to let you know that you are the coolest four-month-old I know. Being your mom is seriously the most fun I’ve ever had (and one time your dad and I went on a speed boat around the island of St. Lucia, went snorkeling off the coast, and took a mud bath inside a volcano). You’re still more fun. 🙂

Lately it seems like you’re such a big boy and not so much my little baby anymore, even though I know you’re still little. You’re learning so many things, and so quickly! This week you really started figuring out how to roll from your back to your belly and now I find you in the funniest places (laying on top of your toys, your feet sticking out of your crib, etc.). I’m really SO proud of you! You’re getting good at grabbing toys (and hair and beards and glasses of water) and your favorite thing to do is bounce in your bumper jumper that hangs in the doorway of your room. You have so much energy! I can tell you’re going to be a handful once you can crawl around. 😉 But that’s okay! Luckily I have lots of energy too.

You’re so curious and interested in everything (especially Charlie). You love watching what everyone is doing and trying to figure the world out. Sometimes you get overwhelmed by too many people and noises and things around you (me and your daddy are the same exact way) but for the most part you’re so happy and full of life and constantly smiling and giggling. I love that about you. There’s really so much I love about you.

Right now, you and I are the very best of friends. I’m sure you’ve had lots of other best friends in your life by the time you read this, but I’m thankful that I’ll always be your first. You light up as soon as you see me or hear my voice. You look to me for safety and comfort and help and food and fun! I know just what will make you laugh and I know just how to fix whatever problem you might have. It’s a privilege to be your best friend.

God could have placed you in any family He wanted to, but He chose me and He chose your dad and for that I will always be grateful. Watching you play and laugh and learn new things has been the very best part of my life. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You aren’t just an important person to me; you are the most important person to me. (Well, until maybe you have a few siblings that I don’t know about yet…then you’re all evenly important to me.)

I love you so much, baby. You complete our little family in all the best ways. I know someday I’ll look back on this time in our lives and wish I could have just one more day of you being this small, one more day of scooping up your tiny snuggly body and singing “I Love You Lord” as you fall asleep. So I’m going to leave the grown-up version of you now and peek in on the four-month-old who’s sleeping soundly in his crib…and whisper I love you one more time.

You have my whole heart always, sweetheart.

Love,

Mommy

 

Letters to Little

Letter #8

October 2, 2015

Dear Jameson,

You’re sleeping right next to me in the big bed as I write this. You’re wearing a gray onesie with black stripes and you’re covered in a blanket that has a bunch of cute yellow lions on it. You are sleeping so soundly, and you are absolutely perfect.

I’ve been waiting so long to write this letter…the first one after you were born. There were so many things I was dying to know about you these past nine months and now, finally, I know them all. I know what your face looks like, what your voice sounds like, and even what you smell like. I know that you love being on your tummy (and I watch you like a hawk when you are), that you always sneeze twice in a row like I do, that you really don’t like your diaper being changed (but you’re getting better about it), and that you have the most adorable dimples when you smile. Of course now I have a million other things I’m dying to know about you (like what your first word will be or whether you’ll love reading like I do), but for now this is more than enough.

You’ll be three weeks old tomorrow and already you’ve brought so much love and joy and light to this world. Maybe you don’t believe that right now as you’re reading this, but I promise you that it’s true. You are the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I see before I go to sleep. Sometimes (okay, most times) I stop everything I’m doing just to look at you sleeping (and that’s not creepy…you’ll understand when you have kids). I’m happiest when I have you in my arms, even if you’re crying your little heart out. My own heart aches when you’re sad and sings when you’re happy. I miss you when someone else is holding you or even when I leave you with Daddy for a few minutes to take a shower. But I always get to have you back with me. I hope you always come back.

I love that we’re already seeing parts of your personality, even though you’re still so little. You’re super curious about the world around you, more so than I think I’ve ever seen in a newborn. You love to sit quietly and gaze around at everything. Your face gets this funny expression on it, like you’re concentrating so hard on trying to understand. Maybe you are. I find myself wondering how much all of this will stay true for you as you grow up, and how much will change. Maybe you won’t care so much about sitting quietly and thinking, but I hope you always stay curious. I can already tell that you’re a smart boy and I know you have a lot to offer the world (hopefully in the name of Jesus).

The one thing I think is strange about having a baby is the fact that everyone wants to know where each of your features “comes from.” Whose nose and eyes and mouth do you have, and where did you get those feet? I don’t see you like that. I look at you and all I see is Jameson. You have a nose that looks like your own nose and you have feet that are your own, too. Maybe there are similarities to me or to your dad or to other members of our family, but I want you to always remember that you are your own person. You don’t have to be like me or like your dad or like anyone else if you don’t want to be. Your identity isn’t with us anyway; it’s with the One who pieced all of your features together in the first place. You are made in His image and as long as you understand the magnitude of that promise, the rest doesn’t matter. I bet your dad would even forgive you if you decided you didn’t want to play baseball like he did. 😉

I can’t tell you how happy I am to have you here with me at last. I waited for you and prayed for you and longed to hold you for so many months and now I have everything I could ever want. You’ve made my life so full of laughter and surprises and color and wonder. You are the best part of every day, sweet boy. I hope you believe that and I hope you know that it’s still true, no matter how old you are. I love you wholly, entirely, unconditionally, forever.

Love always,

Mommy

Letters to Little, Pregnancy

Letter #7 (from Dad)

August 19, 2015

In January, when I first knew that you were coming, I knew I was going to be writing this at some point. But to be honest, I didn’t know what to say for a long time. The reality just hadn’t fully sunk in for me I suppose. Then when your cousin, Madelyn, was born I started to really get hit with the reality of it all. Your mom and aunt will probably say that I was just feeling uncomfortable or strange because I had never really grown up with babies around, but the truth is, I was scared. Not because I didn’t want to have you, and I wanted to continue in my vanity, like the rest of the world would be scared, but for very different reasons.

I still haven’t fully grasped the best way to explain it, and I never have been the best at expressing emotion, but I’ll do my best. When I saw your cousin, as precious as I felt like, and still feel like, she is, I couldn’t imagine how much more precious my own would be. I couldn’t see how I could do anything but give everything I had to something that innocent and reliant upon you. I certainly couldn’t understand how God could’ve given his own Son for us. But most of all, I couldn’t believe how much, in spite of all of that, I was going to absolutely fail every step of the way. One day you’ll grow up and be out of my hands, and I’ll probably truly understand just how much more I could have and should have done, but I only hope that when that time comes, God will have been gracious enough to stop me from doing more damage than my selfishness desires.

It’s a terrifying thought once you realize how sinful you really are, son. I realized it in its most potent form when I was saved, but as I grow older, I realize more and more just how wretched I really am. Because of that, you have to understand that I am not to be looked up to. Because of that, your mother and I should never the source of anything that defines you, but only Jesus Christ.

With that said though, I can still instruct you and guide you in a meaningful way, like God has instructed fathers to do. Although I am a sinner, God is a merciful savior, and has graciously given us the revelation of his truth for me to point you to. I can only hope you will be more consistent than I have in my life with these few treasures of wisdom and advice that I can give you right now, so here are the few things I could hope for you to learn:

  • You are a sinner too, a big one:

The most important thing I think you could learn, is also the hardest reality to fully confront. Son, you are not perfect. No one is. Physically, morally, spiritually, and everything else, we are all borrowing from God’s reserves of what He gives us in these regards, and left alone we would be absolutely bankrupt of anything to give back, and furthermore, we would drive ourselves even further into that depravity if not for God’s sustaining and withholding of what we actually want to do in our hearts. You are no different. The world is going to try to tell you that you are “perfect” the way you are, which in one sense is true, we are all created for a perfect sovereign purpose of God, but it is the biggest lie that you will ever hear when you are told that you, in and of yourself, are a perfect person.

The sooner you realize that you too are just as in need of a savior, and are as utterly imperfect from your sin as anyone else, the sooner your life will begin. One of my favorite pastors once said:

“You cannot see the beauty of the stars in the midday sky because the light of the sun eclipses them. However, after the sun sets and the sky becomes black as pitch, you see the stars in the full force of their splendor. So it is with the gospel of Jesus Christ. We can only see its true beauty against the backdrop of our sin. The darker man appears, the brighter the gospel shines.”

In order to fully understand who God is, and what He has done, you need to fully see who you are. You are a sinner. A big one. This is the hardest thing for me to have to tell you, because I cannot honestly picture you being anything but perfect. I cannot perceive wanting to do anything but forgive and let you be happy. But my greatest responsibility as your father is not to make you happy, it’s to help you see the only true source of life and happiness that is found in Jesus Christ, and because of that, you must always remember that you need Him. You need Him so much more desperately than you need me, your mom, or anyone else in the world. Only He will satisfy you, and only He can pay for the sin that you are enslaved to.

Key verses to remember: (Proverbs 28:26; Proverbs 14:12; Isaiah 53:6; Jeremiah 17:9; John 14:6; Romans 3:9 -18; Romans 5:12,19; Just read the book of Romans; 1John 1:8-10)

  • Kill your sin now:

This is one of those lessons you can’t learn unless you’ve lived through it, which makes it difficult to teach. But the more aware you are of what’s wrong, the more you can do to fix it before it gets worse. Always be looking to move forward, Jameson, and never be content with where you are now. The easiest way to fall into sin, or advance an already existing sin is to do nothing, and I guarantee there will be plenty of sins that you will be aware and unaware of, so I can only tell you that you should never be above the criticism of others, believer or not, and should constantly be on watch for the sin that is constantly at war within you.

Key Verses: (1 Peter 2:24; Romans 8; 2 Timothy 2:22-26; 1 Thessalonians 4:1-12; 1 John 1:5-10; 1 John 2:1-2)

  • Do not be conformed, but informed:

By hanging out with me at all, you will probably already take this on to some degree, but one of the biggest blessings in my life, has been the desire to grow in knowledge. Although a slight play on the equally relevant verse in Romans 12:2, my point here is very simple. Take no knowledge for granted. Do not be afraid to question things that don’t make sense, and do not be okay not knowing the answers when they are in front of you. Although we can’t learn everything in this life, nor perhaps in eternity, we can do everything in our power not to be conformed to the worldly idea of relative truth. The world will try to tell you over and over again how to do things, how to think (or rather, what to think), and will do everything it can to make you undyingly obedient to its idea that you can’t know anything except for what they say. Even in your (hopefully) Christian beliefs, I never want you to take for granted that your mom and dad, or your pastor, or anyone else you look up to is right. As humans we are irreversibly fallible, and it falls upon you to filter out the noise and ask yourself what God has revealed, what the truth is, and to always seek consistency with that truth.

Key Verses: (Proverbs 1:5; 1:7; 2:10-11; 16:22; Ecclesiastes 7:12; John 14:6; James 1:5; Romans 12:2)

  • Be bold:

This is perhaps my worst area of life, either Christian life, or not. I have always been a shy person, and with any luck, you will hopefully not be, but based on how your mother and I are, the odds aren’t in your favor, I’m sad to say. However, that is no excuse to not be a brave steward of your faith. We live in a world where the worst thing you can do is offend someone, even if they are 100% wrong. It’s sad, but it’s true, and more often than not the Word of God in particular will bring out that offense more than anything else. But you don’t have to be a slave to that idea like I have been for so long. I grew up in the world, embracing its thinking for most of my life, but you don’t need to embrace it like I did. Be bold and confident like Jesus called you to be. Be brave and share your faith with everyone, not being afraid to offend for the sake of what is true and glorifying to God.

Key Verses: (Proverbs 28:1; 2 Corinthians 3:12-18; Ephesians 3:12; Ephesians 6:10-20; Hebrews 4:16; Hebrews 13:6; Matthew 16:24)

  • Put others before yourself:

If you accomplish this one, you’ll have made me more proud than you could ever possibly imagine. The greatest thing that you can do with your life, is to lay it down for others. This is the foundation (apart from the grace of God and the work of Christ) of how every aspect of the Christian life works. Just as Jesus gave completely of himself to save his people, as Christians, we are called to do the same, but with the purpose of pointing it all back to Him. It is my prayer and hope that you would be completely sacrificial and authentic in your love, first and foremost, for God, and secondly for others, as you walk through life. The source of every lesson I could ever teach you, including the others I have tried to show you in this letter, is rooted in your love for God, and your love for others. There would truly be nothing that would make me happier than to have a son, who understood and followed the path of sacrificial love that Jesus was trying to get us to follow him on. Nothing would bring me greater joy than to see you become a man who is a complete embodiment of the grace of God, through your actions and stewardship over what He has given you in your demonstration of regenerated grace, love, and peace.

Key Verses: (Matthew 20:28; Matthew 23:11; Matthew 25:35-40; Acts 20:35; Romans 12:1; Galatians 5:13-14; Philippians 2:1-18; 1Corinthians 9:19; James 2:14-17; 1Peter 4:10-11; 1John 3:18)

I’m not sure how I’ll react the day you’re born, but I know I’ll never be the same afterward. I know that I won’t be prepared for it, and I know that your mom won’t either, even if she has spent every moment of your life with you so far. There’s a temptation to be scared about what will happen once you’re here, I’ll admit. The world has bought into the lie that children are a sort of inconvenience that takes away from the supposed “joy” that we could be having if you weren’t around, and unfortunately those voices screaming these ideas, do breakthrough in times of doubt. But I know that’s not what you are. Do not ever think that you are an inconvenience to me or your mom. You are the greatest blessing we will receive outside of salvation, and it pains my heart that anyone could possibly think different. You will help to make your mother and I so much greater than we ever thought we could be, and God will use you in amazing ways to break us down from our own sin, and, God-willing help us to bravely lead you to Him as well. As a family, we will grow and learn, and come closer to, and farther from at times, each other and God throughout these years we have.

I don’t think I fully know it now, but I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything. More than my family, more than my things, and idols, and probably even more than I love your mom. I haven’t actually met you yet, but I would already give everything for you, and I don’t even question that. But as I said before, Jameson, I will fail you. I’m a sinner, and I need these lessons to be played back at every moment of my life in order to have even the most remote chance of raising you as I should.

So you can think of this letter as an apology of sorts. The same way that I told your mom in our vows that I cannot make any meaningful promise without her understanding who I am, I need you to understand who I am, and that I will fail you. I am so sorry that it is the case, but it is true. Just know, that I love you. Despite myself, I love you, and as your father, I would never want to hurt you or mislead you. Because of this, I will make you a promise, if you will make me a promise. I promise that I will do everything I can to become better for you. I promise to seek to do the things that I have asked you to do. But only if you promise to forgive me when I can’t, all the while, knowing that God is far more worthy of your adoration and approval than I am, and where I fail, He has succeeded.

I love you,

– Dad

Letters to Little, Pregnancy

Letter #6

August 5, 2015

Dear Jameson,

You and I just got back from another appointment with one of the midwives who might deliver you and everything is looking great! Your heartbeat is strong, you’re at a healthy size (although the midwife did mention you’re more on the small side), and you’re getting in position to be born. We’re at 34.5 weeks right now so there’s probably only going to be four or five more appointments at the most before the big day! I’m really having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that I’m going to meet you face to face in just over a month. There are so many things I want to know about you and even though a month isn’t very long, it still feels like too long to wait. I want to know what you look like, if you have your dad’s curls, if your eyes are green like mine, if you’re going to have the hiccups at least twice a day like you do right now. I want to know what your voice sounds like, what your smile looks like, what makes you feel happy again when you cry. I can’t wait to learn all your likes and dislikes…and then learn them all over again and again as you grow and change and become the man you probably are today as you read this.

I’ve loved every moment of carrying you with me everywhere these past eight months. Every baby is an incredible blessing from God, of course, but I feel like He blessed me just a little bit more than everyone else with you. 😉 I guess that’s how most moms feel, but in every way possible…you’ve made this first experience with pregnancy so blissfully easy on me. Really, Jameson, you are already such a sweet baby. When I go to sleep, you stop moving too and go to sleep with me (and you never kick me awake at night). When you’re playing and exploring and I start to talk or sing to you, you immediately stop moving to listen. When I put my hand on my tummy to feel your stretches and twists and turns, you wiggle closer to be near me. I know it won’t always be this way and there will be times when we grow together and times when we grow apart, but I pray that we always end up near each other because I love every bit of who you are (even when you get annoyed with your hiccups and start punching and kicking around).

I am so indescribably blessed to be your mom, my sweet boy. I don’t have room in my heart for the amount of love I have for you, but I feel God stretching it every day so that it can fill up even more. I’m counting down the days until we get to meet! For now, though, I’m going to soak up every beautiful second of having you so close to me. I love you with everything I have, sweetheart.

Love, your mommy

Letters to Little, Pregnancy

Letter #5

July 2, 2015

Dear Jameson,

Your cousin Madelyn was born last week! By the time you read this, the two of you might be teenagers (which makes my mind feel like it’s going to explode), but right now she’s a tiny little thing…only 5 pounds and 10 ounces when she popped out. And you’re even smaller. If she’s anything like Aunt Stephanie and if you’re anything like me, I just know that Madelyn is going to be such a blessing in your life. I grew up laughing and acting silly and trying things I normally would have been way too scared to try, and it’s mostly because of Aunt Stephanie. I hope and pray the same for you and Madelyn, even though it’ll be different with a boy and a girl. Love her and protect her and stand up for her when you need to. She’s going to be your first friend and she’s going to love you so much, I just know it. Make sure you listen to her and let her teach you things; she doesn’t have cooties, I promise. 🙂 Watch out for her always, sweetheart. She’s going to need a cousin like you, just like you’ll need a cousin like her. God planned our families so that the two of you would grow up together — don’t take that for granted.

Every time I see pictures of Madelyn or get to hold her and spend time with her, I get even more excited to meet you! I know it’s probably not very cool to have your mom talk about how excited she is to spend time with you, but too bad. I am excited — more excited than I’ve ever been for anything else in my life. You’ll understand someday when, Lord willing, you have kids of your own. There are so many things I can’t wait to experience with you, my first baby. I’ve thought about you and prayed for you since before I even knew your dad. And now, look how close we are! We’re going to meet face to face so soon. My heart can hardly handle it.

I pray for you, right now, that you will be a light for Jesus in this world. I pray you have boldness and wisdom in more ways than I’ve ever had and that you use your gifts and talents for Jesus and His kingdom. I pray that your entire being longs for and searches after your Savior. I pray that He blesses your life as much as He’s blessed mine (maybe even more!) and that He uses you to bring the truth of the Gospel into the culture around you, no matter how scary it might be. Most of all, I pray that you grow in the grace and the knowledge of the Lord (something my dad always prays for me and now I understand why). He is your rock, always.

I love you SO MUCH, Jameson. I love you and I’m proud of you, my boy. Thanks for making me a mommy. 🙂

Love, Mom

P.S. We’re in the last trimester! Only a few more months to go!

Letters to Little, Pregnancy

Letter #4

May 13, 2015

J,

Hi sweetheart! Your dad and I finally settled on your name (I hope you like it!) and we’ve started calling you by it. I don’t want to post it on here just yet since we haven’t told too many people so far, so you’ll have to be just “J” for now. But let me tell you, it’s been SO nice being able to refer to you without saying “the baby” or something like that. Although we have been getting creative with that… So far you’ve been called “the small child,” “the offspring,” “the tiny babe,” and probably about 20 other general titles too. You’ve got quite the set of nicknames piled up. 😉

We got to see you again a few weeks ago during your anatomy scan, where they checked and measured just about everything from your brain to your tiny toes. You were laying facedown like a goofball the entire time and wouldn’t move so we didn’t get to see much of your cute face, sadly. But we did get to see how much you’ve grown (you’re pretty much all proportionate now, yay for you!) and the technician said you’re looking healthy and wonderful. Good job, baby, I’m so proud of you! Praise Jesus for keeping you safe.

Now that you’re getting bigger I can feel your kicks a few times every day (in fact, you’re kicking me in the bladder right now, thank you very much). I love love love feeling you move. It’s probably my favorite part about being pregnant. The other day you and I were lying quietly together and I said your name out loud and you responded right away with a surprised little kick. That was so cute of you. 🙂 But also, I’m sorry for scaring you haha.

About two weeks ago your dad got to feel you moving for the first time! Up until now, you’ve been really shy about showing off your sweet moves for Daddy but now you’re getting a little braver. In fact, he was talking to you the other day and any time he asked you to show us your best, you gave a good solid kick right to his hand. It was adorable! I can’t wait to see the two of you playing and practicing and hanging out together someday. He’s going to be such a good daddy. (He already is.)

We thank God for you every single day, little one. We are so blessed to be your parents and to get to have you in our lives for whatever time we’re given. You’ve already made us happier than we could have ever imagined and even more thankful for the beautiful life we have together. You are so very cherished, sweetheart.

I love you forever and ever. I love you for a million different reasons and I love you simply because you are. I’m counting down the days until we get to meet! Four months (exactly) until your due date!

All my love always,

Mommy

Letters to Little

Letter #3

March 19, 2015

Hi sweetheart,

We got to see you for the second time a few weeks ago and I still can’t believe how much you GREW! I know you have absolutely no idea about the world yet, about me or your dad, or really about anything except staying cozy warm in there… But I’m already so proud of you. It’s a strange feeling because I’ve never been this proud of anyone before. You’ve only been in existence for 14 weeks and 4 days and I’m already prouder of you than I am of anyone else in the world. When we saw you during the ultrasound, you were flipping around and kicking your little legs all over the place like you were putting on a show. I’m already so in love with you that I don’t know what to do with myself! And I loved getting to see bits and pieces of your personality, even though it’s still so early.

I stare at the ultrasound pictures of you at least once a day, trying to imagine you in my tummy and trying to figure out what you’ll look like. Will you have your dad’s curly hair or my straightish hair? Will you be good at sports like him or will you freak out if a ball flies anywhere near your face like me? I’m sorry in advance if you’re one of the smallest kids in your age group for awhile…that was a problem for both me and your dad. But don’t worry, he hit his growth spurt (I never really did, but hopefully you take after him haha) and I know you will too. It’s not so bad being small, anyway. You get all the best hiding spots in hide-and-go-seek. 🙂

Part of me wants you out and in my arms right this second so I can protect you more consciously than I can right now…but the other part of me knows that the second you’re out, you’re going to start growing up right before my eyes and that will break my heart just a little bit (no matter how proud I know I’ll be of all your accomplishments). I already get kind of sad looking at the 12 month old onesies in the baby departments. I don’t ever want you to be anything but my baby! But I know you will grow up into such an amazing person and there are SO many things I’m excited for in our future. Playing pretend, having conversations with you, doing Bible studies with you, cheering you on in whatever you’re interested in (sports, academics, theater, whatever), teaching you all about the Gospel, showing you how to swim, making up a secret handshake with you (your dad and I have one already so we need one too), and so much more. I’ll be so proud of you through it all.

I love you so much, baby. You’re already such a big part of my life and I just can’t wait until you’re here so I can hug you so tight and love on you forever. Keep up all the hard work in there! You are covered in a multitude of prayers from so many people who absolutely adore you already. See you soon, my little love!

Love,

Mommy

P.S. We made it to the second trimester! Yay for us!!!

Letters to Little

Letter #2

February 14, 2015

Dear little valentine,

Hi sweet baby.  : )  We don’t really know each other that well yet but I’ve loved you from the moment I found out about you. In fact, I’ve even loved you before I found out about you. There’s no feeling like it and it’s hard to explain, but I hope that one day you get the privilege of having your own little one and then you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

Daddy and I saw you for the first time last week and you are SO itty bitty right now. We fell in love with you even harder (didn’t think that was possible) and our adoration of you just grows every single day. As I was watching you on the big screen (and now as I’m sitting here with my picture of you) I couldn’t help but think how absolutely insane it is that those little arms are the same arms I’m going to feel wrap around me a million times in a million different hugs. That little face is the same face I’m going to cover with kisses the second I see you for real. And that little person is the same person I’m going to watch learn how to walk, how to ride a bike, how to read, how to do so many things. One day I hope I get to see you graduate college, get married, have your own children, and become every little thing you hope to be. I will still love you then, when you’re all grown up and doing things on your own. I will love you even more. You might not always need me, but for now you do and I am going to soak up every second of giving my life for you. It’s an honor to be chosen as your mommy.

I pray that even right now, small as you are, God is drawing you to Himself. I pray that He prepares me to raise you in Him and to faithfully point you to Jesus in every aspect of life. I pray for your dad too, because his responsibility is even greater than mine. He has already worked so hard and given up so much for you and for me. We are truly blessed to have him all to ourselves. I pray that we grow as a family and that God uses us all in tremendous ways for His glory. I pray He keeps you safe and blesses you immeasurably…right now and in all the years of your life.

You have my heart always, my little love. Keep growing strong and we’ll see you very soon!

Love,

Your mommy